I arrived in Japan yesterday and I’m trying to make a conscious effort to relax. I’ve been in a state of panic over the last two weeks trying to make sure the gather.at site was ready. Its not, but everyone has been working super hard to make it so. I’d like to think it’s only a matter of hours away from being ready for public beta but I’ve decided to stop making predictions.

Gather at is not a social network. Social networks treat individuals as nodes and I refuse to treat my friend as a node. Relationships are complex just like people and they can't be simplified into bits and bytes. If you want strange friends sign up for myspace. You are guaranteed at least one friend, some guy named Tom. What does it mean to be one of Tom's 96,981,816 friends?

I've realized two things so far during my trip to Japan. Directly inviting people you have never met before to a dinner is very nerve wrecking. Its actually against gather at rules to do this, but I did it anyway and now I remember why the rule exist. There is a lot of social pressure when you invite strangers. For one the stranger may look at other strangers in the group and wonder how much I value their friendship if I invited more than one person you didn't actually know. Second, it throws off the vibe a little with the rest of the group. I've found that the ideal solution is to embrace the stranger, introduce them to the group explain that this is the first time meeting and tell everyone at the same time, why you specifically invited this person. You need to remind them that there is a reason for why you want to see them and let the group realize this. Lastly, because you don't actually know strangers, they might not actually show up. When you invite people through friends there is more social pressure to keep your commitments. Strangers could care less. And generally its very nerve wrecking to have people not show up.

Something I felt while organizing gatherings here has convinced me more than ever that gather at is not a social network. I realized how the power of introduction can be so life changing. When you take an old friend, introduce them to another old friend and watch as those two slowly connect and become friends themselves. When you sit back and watch people in your social group having a great time, playing and interacting with each other its an amazing feeling. And for all its glory and hope the Internet will never be able to replicate the feelings I have when I see that.

Could I build a machine that allows me to plant flowers over the Internet? Sure, but I would never feel the joy of watching that flower grow, smelling it and seeing the complexity of its colors with my naked eye. Gather at can be a bit of a ego trip for the organizer because you become the center of your social circle but when you see these human interactions, its very emotional and appeals, at least to me, on a very different level. You can not nurture a node but you can nurture a friendship.